did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
