you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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