I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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