I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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