I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
