Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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