I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
how drunk are you?
Several
we're so committed to being not committed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
