I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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