My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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