That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
