i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
