The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
