overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
