The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
