The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
