I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
