Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
