The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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