my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
