I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
