I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
