I think I died a long time ago.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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