it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
