We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
