Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i think i just lost a toe
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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