Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
