I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
