He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
