____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
