i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize