i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
