didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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