i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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