Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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