Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
