You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
