She's JV to your varsity
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
