dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
