did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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