1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
