Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
