so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you are never too drunk for berry picking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
