the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
