I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
