i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
