R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did i walk over a car last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
