i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
