I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
