Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
