so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
