If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
