i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
