why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They took my balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize