I got chris browned last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
