You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
