youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
