just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
