Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
