he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
