i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
