ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
