my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
