Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
