i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
