i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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