your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Randomize
