make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
