Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
