I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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