bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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