guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
