There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
