My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
