i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
