4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
