i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
