wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
don't judge my taste in strippers
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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