I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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