You just made me feel so damn special
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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