fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
