great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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