dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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