My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
