So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
