the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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