When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
