East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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