So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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