I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
