Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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