i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
