We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we're making bets on your personal life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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