so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
