dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
