She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
